Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
