bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
