4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
