Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
