mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
