this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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