Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
