what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
