After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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