Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
