You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
