I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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