brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I need help removing her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
