Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
