We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
