I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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