Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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