I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
