why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
