K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
