I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
