Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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