i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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