So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
