Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
