can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
