dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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