i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
