Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
