SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
