the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My pussy is not your playground.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
