Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
