Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
