He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
