I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
