you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
