I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
