i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
