you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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