I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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