Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
