I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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