Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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