I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was like eating out sand paper
do herpes really smell.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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