so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
