I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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