If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
