Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
