Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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