I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
