You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
