good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
