this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
